United for Awesomeness!!!

Liz: My sister and I are almost mirror images of each other. In fact, my husband says we have some "serious issues" because if one of us does something the other one does. She starts to lose weight. I start to lose weight. I start a blog. She starts a blog (although she sits next to me calling BS because I am the one who made her start it and also stating that while she does have over 15 views on her various posts, one could hardly count her a blogger when 13.5 of the views are from our Mother). I get my hair cut. She gets her hair cut. Sometimes these things happen so frequently that we have begun to complete not just each other's sentences but also each other's thoughts.

Leslie:  (my husband is currently serving a self-inflicted timeout due to our craziness and need to ignore others when we are together) Ok I'm taking over....the fact is we are pretty much

twins....except for the intervening 4.5 years between us (she is OLDER of course).  Frequently one of us will start a conversation and the other will say, "Seriously!!!!  That happened the other day" as if the universe is in on the little copycat game we play.  So it is quite curious that a situation illustrating aforementioned events should occur today, this day we celebrate our parents Pseudo-birthday (Their true date of birth is the 28th, same day 2 years apart, look it up).

Liz: When we get together some funny things happen, and they usually revolve around our munchkins who are without a doubt cookie cutter copies of us. They had created a "restaurant" and we were their customers. We were handed the menu and a shocker! The following drinks were available: water, coke, and "bear". Now we all know there were no polar nor brown nor black nor grizzlies on that menu. "Bear" was beer! Way to go mothers of the year!

Leslie: ok, at the risk of being terrible - i found it hilarious. And we're walking......we were seated at the Munchkin Diner and after receiving our orders of Cake and soup w/ pancakes and green beans, our table requested ketchup.  Our snarky waitress (no relation) provided our entire table with but one packet.  A reasonable amount of complaining ensued, complete with talk of never patronizing this establishment EVA again.

Liz: I mean this mess happens all of the time. In fact, just last week I was in the drive-thru of the best fast food restaurant ever, The Chick-Fil-a where I ordered a #1 with fries and a coke, yet I was not permitted any ketchup. Granted, I didn't ask for it, but come on! Why do you have to order ketchup if you are ordering fries? 99.999999999% of the population eat their fries with ... mayonnaise? No! Mustard? No? Ranch dressing? Nooooo! Ketchup! They eat their fries with ketchup! So why must we ask for it?

Leslie: Fools!  come on!  I will crawl through your drive-thru window McDonald's Style!   And here's the kicker: If you should have enough sense to request ketchup even though the wonderful team member neglected to foresee the need even though I just ordered FRIES, guess what folks....you will only receive 1- read it again - ONE packet.  Honestly!!!! Its like a baby spoon of ketchup...not even a dollop.

Liz: Once I even had to tag in and out with people while rotating who went to the counter at Wendy's to ask for ketchup because they would only give you 1 packet of ketchup at a time, even though we had a table of 4 all eating fries.

Leslie:  You get the point: there are many stupid things that annoy me and telepathically my dear sissy, thereby forcing me to waste time blogging and you to spend your time reading said rants.  So you are witness the birth of a tradition: Our Plus 1 Posts. 

Liz: Look for it every time we are together and unite for important issues (lack of ketchup), unite for annoying our husbands, UNITE FOR AWESOMENESS!!

Check out my super awesome sister's website!

Things I've learned in 2011

Things I've learned in 2011:

1. Some  All of the time, new boots make up for a craptastic week.

2. Those cheesy quotes seen floating around the Internet, or else painted on a previously unimportant piece of driftwood, or offered by someone who has no idea what to say to you once you've just delivered word vomit? Guess what? A lot of the time they are true and of great value. i.e.:
                                                              

3. Don't waste your time watching the news....seriously it is depressing and if you need a hit of current events THAT bad, follow all the important media outlets on twitter and only click the on the links once you have taken a seat and are prepared to see tragedy.

4. Munchkin laughter can cure anything

5. an iPhone is the ONLY phone.  Other companies should just cut their losses and move on.

6. The only playlist you will ever need to workout to again is teetotally fo free, yo.  It's called "Girl Talk" and the Album is "All Day" and it is the BEST!  Try it.
Sure it has hmmm...a bit of profanity, but anybody who can provide mashups featuring Black Sabbath/Ludacris/Cali Swag District/Jane's Addiction/M.I.A./Dorrough/The Doors and many more and manage to make it a great beat that doesn't sound like its crammed together = genius in my world!! Check it out:
Sample it here: http://alldaysamples.com/

download it here: http://illegal-art.net/allday/
it isn't illegal just the website he chose i suppose. Just make sure you take your iPod off shuffle because it is meant to be listened to in the order in which it is downloaded.

7. It is sometimes necessary to "Cut them out".  I hate to say it, but people can be down right mean and all together drama queens.  The most vicious of these people are those you once counted as friends.  I don't mean cut them out in the mafia sense (make them sleep with the fishes) nor in the gangsta terminology (take a baseball bat to their knees) and no not even in the Redneck Ninja way (random trailer park trash transformed into ninja stars).  I just mean that sometimes distance is the best route.  I've learned this the hard way over the past 2 years.  Someone who cuts you down is not your friend.......that and I'm almost 30 and too old.  Save the drama fo yo mama.

8. There are somethings in life that are worth the money:
                   -adequate virus protection on your computer
                   - paying some random person in India to fix computer when said computer virus disables entire
                      computer
                   - a Kindle. seriously.
                   - the good paint at Lowe's
                   - a good pair of running shoes (if not your feet will pay for it later)
                   - a night out to cut loose and dance to your heart's content (use sparingly as your old ass will be
                     paying for it more than your wallet will)

9. I am a terrible gift giver.  TERRIBLE!!!!  Once in a blue moon inspiration will hit and I will draw tears,
    but, more often than not, I quite suck at it.

10. Advice from one source is stupid.  I have something of a Round Table.  I listen attentively to others'
      perspective and then arrive at my own opinion.  Sometimes people have ulterior motives, and sometimes
      they just have plain old bad advice.  Always best to pick a couple of brains.  Having said all that, it
     should be known that I have the greatest group of confidants there ever was.

11. Having all the laundry done can be more gratifying than sex

12. Good sex can change your perspective on shit.

13. Find an older relative.  Listen to their stories.  That is the story of how you came to be.

14.  Be kind.

15. Albus Dumbledore is the smartest man to have ever lived.  Use his quotes daily.

16. Everything starts as an idea in somebody's head.  A toy reindeer that poops jellybeans was once just
      some random soul's dream, now it is a reality that shits sits in my kitchen.

17. I ramble

18. Keep on.  Tragedy will strike and the unthinkable will happen. But you must keep on living and growing.

19.  I am never too old to learn.  Sarsaparilla!  That's my New Year's Resolution: to learn something new
       each day!!!

20. New Year's Resolutions are lame

21.  Don't EVER say, "I will never do that". Trust me, I've eaten crow quite a few times this year.

22.  There isn't much that a good book or friend and fine box of wine can't solve.

23. It is perfectly acceptable to look back and say, "Damn I was stupid...10 years ago, 5 months ago,
      1 hour ago or 12 items ago"

24. Tell those you love how much they mean to you because one day you won't have the easy opportunity.
       Not morbidly (read death) but because it is too late, or they lost cell service, or they don't have the time
       to hear it, or they are in a foreign country or well.....because they are dead. (oops back to being  
       morbid)

25. Pinterest is just as good as actually DOING a craft.

26. Hug your children every day.  There are people who would gladly take your place.

27. It is perfectly OK to take time to recharge your batteries.  Trust me.  I haven't done this enough and
      now I know better

28. Sometimes the best thing to do is just sit back, wait for it to pass and laugh.

29. I'm too old to stay up and watch the ball drop.  I think New Year's is lame.  Maybe I will pick up the
      habit again when Ryan is as old as Dick Clark but for now, I'm taking my glass of wine and my Kindle
      and snuggling my old ass up in bed.

It's hard out there for a Southpaw

It's that time again! The glorious day when all us Southpaws can raise our our hands and high five all you righties' faces (I kid, I kid)! Happy National Left Hander's Day!

Growing up a lefty, things weren't easy on the streets. It's hard out there for a lefty in a righty's world. EVERYTHING is designed for those with the "right" stuff: desks, doors, scissors (this still plagues me), computers, necklace clasps, guitars, golf clubs.....I could go on and on. Point is you righties just don't know how good you've got it.

Attempt after attempt has been foiled by my Southpaw dominance. I tried to learn tennis (one sport in which the equipment is neutral) but I had to reverse everything that was being taught to me! I wanted to take up golf - good luck finding a cheap set of lefties (website just for lefty golf supplies). Yet even after scoring a super cheap (read free) set, it was nearly impossible to learn due to the fact I had only right handed hot shots to teach me. And yes, still maintianing that it was hand dominance and not lack of hand-eye coordination that played in the biggest role in these epic failures. Guitar, sucked it up - I'm just trying to learn right handed. It even proved difficult as co-captain of the danceline in highschool...well difficult to those righties who had to suffer through my backwards left geared routines. Abuse of power? Probably.

So August 13th is our day! You can have all the rest. Yes this world is designed for those of a dominate right, but just remember that we are smarter and more creative than you - just look at the stats! We've got DiVinci, Einstein, Michelangelo and Hendrix on our side!

Ta-Ta for now! And just for today, throw that peace sign with your left hand!

Peace out - the Southpaw White Chick!
(and for any typos - deal with it I was typing on my iPhone, jury is still out whether it's intended just for righties!)

Who wants crumbs?

Disclaimer: in no way am I to be considered an expert in any area.  I do not have a chunk of knowledge regarding one sphere of interest, rather a vat of random crumbs spanning various topics that usually are quite pointless unless I am watching jeopardy (domination).  In other words, choosing to keep up with this blog is as advisable as selecting the “More Ghetto” route on the Garmin.

So if I am not an expert of anything, what the hell am I doing?  Here is my attempt to explain, although expect far more confusion after reading, I apologize in advance.

 My Sister the hilarious blogstress: Do it…start a blog.

Me: um, about what?

Sissypants: just do it, it is so much fun and you

 would be great at it.

Me: pretty sure you are just looking for an enabler for your “All Things Blog” obsession

Sissy: sad, but true. Do it.

Presently…..no idea what I’m doing…blogging…sheesh

So there it is.  This not easily influenced thing strongly conflicts with natural urge to make sister happy. (No doubt she is preparing a retraction on her previous statements convincing me to blog).  Here I sit: A blundering baby blogger.

I am a researcher by nature and a lover of knowledge, so naturally I began to find articles with tips on starting a blog, which apparently isn’t as easy as one would think (who knew, right?).  The results of my search were astronomical!  Apparently everyone is an expert on blogging, with one obvious exception.  After several minutes over drowning in much too much information (my attention span sucks when I am not interested) I was mentally wadding up the results of the Google search and tossing them into the virtual bin, an action that I will no doubt regret in the blogs to come. 

Then it hit me: if I turn into a zombie just reading about things that don’t passionately interest me, how on earth can I blog about them.  Why limit myself to one area, be it kids, cooking, books, addictive reality TV, iPhone apps, never-ending weight loss struggles, random rudeness, etc. when I’m not just a munchkin shepherd, meager amateur chef, obsessive reader easily intoxicated by the smell of books, Bachelor franchise addict, card carrying member of iPhone Junkies Anonymous, receiver of hypothyroidism via genetics, seemingly constant and unwilling observer of random rudeness.  So THEY say find a topic and stick to it.  Consider it done.

My niche: things that passionately interest me because blogs without that = stale,lame,  

Chances that my random mumbles and grumbles will become cyberlitter? On a scale of “I’m good......no one saw” to “public epic failure” – I’m sitting at a Lohan.  Although saying this would be public is laughable because I am more than likely talking to myself.  So here I go.  Where am I going? Not a damn clue.  Just remember: Wherever you go – there you are.

Ta-ta for now – not to imply that there will be a later.